Confessions of a “Big Girl”

Most Saturdays I’m up by 7:30am and I’m at the gym by 8am. This morning I asked myself, “What makes me get up early on a Saturday to workout,” shouldn’t I want to sleep in? This question led me down memory lane.

Our memories are interesting. Things I wish I could remember I can’t and then others I pray with all my heart I could forget but can’t. Back to my question . . . the answer that came to mind was all my life people have called me a “Big girl”. I can clearly remember people (exact people – who I would love to mention because well, they sure don’t look that small anymore – but I’ll let the Lord deal with that) calling me a big girl. Even most recently a few very lovely street people said I looked like someone but was bigger. They weren’t being mean and didn’t intend to hurt my feelings just simply stating a fact. It still hurt though.

This morning in the elevator I met a very nice man asking if I was on my way to the gym. I told him yes. He very kindly (not in a creepy way) said, “Keep it up you look great.” Wow! Just 5 minutes ago I was thinking about how I’ve always been the big girl and will that ever change?

In this season of learning to live a better story (read: live on mission) I couldn’t let this moment pass by without thanking Jesus for that man in the elevator who lifted my spirits. Friends, you never know whom God wants to use to speak into your life. Had I not smiled and said good morning to this gentleman he may have never said anything to me but since I’m still experimenting with listening to God’s voice no matter what (no second guessing) I knew I was supposed to speak to him.

Here’s the deal, I said it in my last post, I am fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator of the Universe. He formed me! He made me exactly the way I am and I cannot second-guess his creation. I can continue to keep myself healthy by working out but I can’t change something that God intended for me.

This post is as much for me as it is for all the girls/women who work hard to look fit (not be the big girl) and it just doesn’t’ feel like enough. Sure those fitness magazine (airbrushed) girls look good and they can motivate you to workout but they can’t be what you measure yourself against. There it was, God’s voice, telling me you can’t measure yourself against man’s standards but measure yourself against mine.

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Tomorrow morning I will wake up and have to remind myself of this all over again. When the enemy wants to tell me I’m a big girl I will choose to hear God’s voice and I’m certain God’s voice will become “louder” if I will give myself the freedom to rest in his measurement of “big”. I think I look fit. It takes a lot of hard work. I told you I get up five days a week at 4:30am. It’s the same with my spiritual workout. I’m not suggesting you get to heaven by works, but I am saying it takes hard work to live a better story and not let the enemy derail you from something greater.

It matters what you have around you. It matters who you have around you. I know we can’t always control our surroundings but we can control what takes root in our heart. Let God’s voice, his truths, take root today and help you find freedom in his measurements.

As I close, I’m sure most people will always see me as a big girl (maybe not – I don’t really know) and I guess they are right, but I know someone “bigger” and that’s my God and what he says has more weight than anything anyone else calls me.

6 thoughts on “Confessions of a “Big Girl”

  1. Suzanne, I have been reading your blog for awhile. I am so impressed with the work Christ is doing in your life. I wish more people would take to heart your message that our worth and beauty come from God. God bless you as you continue on your journey “on mission”.

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  2. You are so right that we need to listen to the voice of our heavenly Father and not the negative voices around us or in our head. We are fearfully and wonderfully made by our Creator and He doesn’t make junk! You are a beautiful person inside and out. I believe that’s what God intended when He created YOU! Love you, Mom

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  3. Hey Suzanne first off I miss u. And this is a wonderful blog. You always know how to speak live into someone. This spoke to me. BC I am the bigger girl to People. They say don’t work out and get skinny bc I’m used to u being bigger. Not fair right?! Well love u hope all is well. We should meet up sometime

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    • Hey Sweet Girl! I miss you too!! God made you just the way you are for a specific reason. This morning I was re-reading Psalm 139 (specifically verses 13-15). Memorize those verses, keep them close to your heart so that you can recall them when other voices seem louder. Yes, let’s meet up soon. I’ll text you. Love you girl!

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